Dr. Andy Fata-Chan

I started working with a mental health and performance coach a few months ago named Erica.

The sessions are fairly simple.

She calls me, I pick up the phone, we talk about life, and I cry like a little b*tch.

You know how I knew she was good at her craft?

I cried during the initial consult!

It wasn’t even a formal session, she just asked me why I decided to set up a call with her and what I needed help with.

The conclusion was…navigating the middle.

*queue Jimmy Eat World*

Here is a paraphrase of what I said during the initial call.

I am lonely.

I know people that are great entrepreneurs but they have a terrible life outside of their business.

I know people that have a great life outside of work but they don’t have the career aspirations that I have.

This kind of leaves me stuck in limbo.

A lot of people can resonate with the beginning stages of entrepreneurship when you’re getting up and going.

Everyone is excited for you, but that excitement slowly diminishes over time, especially when you don’t have time to support others the way they supported you.

It’s difficult trying to juggle wife, dog, family, friends, employees, personal development, social events, content marketing, optimizing sales, figuring out search engine optimization, learning about ads, treating patients, etc…oh and I forgot, I also have to workout and sleep.

The people that have seem to figured all of this out are the people that are out of my reach.

Meaning they are not within my direct circle.

I’m not at the theoretical beginning of this journey nor am I at the end.

I’m in the middle.

The only thing that was helping me was consuming content from the people outside of my direct circle that I aspired to be.

I listened to their podcasts, read their books, found their old blogs, and I often think to myself in certain circumstances…what would they do if they were in my shoes?

But that’s not enough.

I needed to speak things out loud, have an open dialogue, reflect, and put action steps into play that would allow me to grow.

And that’s when I was consciously aware of my problems.

I decided to schedule that initial call with Erica because I no longer had a road map.

I had no idea what the hell I was doing and the person that was showing up every day was serviceable but I knew he could be better.

I’m 30 years old.

I can work 60-80 hours/week, give a speech in front of hundreds of people, run a marathon(barely), and do a bunch of difficult things but…

It’s not about doing hard things anymore.

It’s about being intentional with the finite energy that I wake up with everyday so I can create the life I want.

And it always starts internally.

I’m not good enough yet.

I want to get better.

But that requires change and if you’re human just like I am then you know that change is hard.

Drawing a line in the sand is the first step but resistance is always going to follow.

There are typically three scenarios where the resistance to change is overwhelming:

1.) When you are in a state of negativity.

It’s hard to react appropriately when you’re not in the right head space.

Do you make the best decisions when you’re lacking sleep, stressed out, missing meals, not getting any movement in, and/or when emotions are flaring during an argument?

Definitely not.

Is it possible?

Of course but boy does that resistance hit differently during those moments.

It’s so easy to resort back to old habits here.

2.) When you are in a state of comfort.

Let’s say that you’re trying to make a change in your life and one of your goals is to wake up earlier.

There will be nothing more comfortable than laying in bed as your alarm rings at 05:00AM and hitting the snooze button again so you can doze off.

You might be able to lift a lot of weights but for some freakin’ reason…

That blanket feels like a weight you’ve never lifted before.

The same can be said for getting home, cracking up a bottle of wine, and watching ‘Love Is Blind’ versus packing your gym bag to go get a work out.

It is hard to fight against comfort.

3.) When you are being held to your old standard.

There are perceptions of a specific person that you were that exists up until the moment that you decide to change.

The relationships in your life will hold you accountable to that old standard until you can hold yourself up to the new standard…in all of the different contexts that you’re going to experience.

Anyone can hold themselves to a higher standard when things are clicking but nothing really changes until you can hold yourself to the standard when the odds are stacked against you.

Everyone is trying to predict what is going to happen next based off of previous experiences, thoughts, beliefs, etc.

The person that you were before you decided to change is a PART of other people’s perceptions.

Until your behavior has consistently produced errors in their hypothesis, their perception of you will not be updated.

It would be illogical for a brain to update a synapsis if the prediction accurately predicted the outcome.

It will only update when it has been consistently wrong.

Hasan Minhaj had a great stand-up snippet about how people have been utilizing therapy as a scape goat to ignore problems that they actually need to address.

It’s absolutely hilarious and you can watch the clip here.

The reality is that you’re the only person that will see yourself change initially.

No one is going to recognize it until you’re able to hold yourself to the new standard consistently during the good and bad times.

There are two things that you need to consider that are bit of a paradox.

*I’ve learned that literally anything that can effectively explain the meaning of life is a paradox*

The first thing to consider is that all of this work that you’re doing in therapy should be for yourself so forget what someone thinks if you feel good about yourself internally.

The second is…don’t have so much bias that you cannot see your own flaws.

I have to quote Richard Feynman.

You can’t care what other people think but you are also biased so your perception of yourself will innately have some flaws.

There’s no answer here but thoughts to ponder on as you navigate life.

So…

What the hell does a snake have to do with anything?

Snakes are unique among wildlife for many reasons, and one of those reasons is their ability to shed their skin in its entirety. We don’t see this from other animals, so why do snakes shed their skin whole?  

Put simply, snakes shed their skin because it doesn’t fit anymore or because it’s old or worn out. When snakes grow, their skin does not, so they outgrow it. When this happens, they shed their outer layer of skin.

-Quoted from www.reconnectwithnature.org

Most people are so afraid to let go of their old selves even though it doesn’t fit who they are now and who they want to become.

Just like how the snake is growing and needs to shed their skin…

You should too but only metaphorically.

Let go of the old and grow into the new.

Be a snake.